February 18, 2005
dam breaks
ok, i'm back on the thesis wagon. ... i'm not sure that's the right sort of metaphor, but still...
i've been printing out my chapter draft and then editing it on paper, and using the computer to do the final fiddling.
it's been very helpful: gives me 30 pages of work, rather than one long blob of words on a screen. i can add in notes and comments without changing the page numbers, etc. i know you can do that with Word, but it's not the same.
the change of medium has been really helpful.
that doesn't mean i have an excellent final draft yet. i do, however, have somethign that's a bit more coherent.
i am also meeting with the supes on monday to talk about it. if in doubt, see supes and get a bit of encouragement from someone who knows what you're talking about, knows how to talk about it, and knows how to bolster flagging postgraduate ego.
i would have liked to finish this draft by the end of january, but i guess we'll just have to settle for february.
sigh.
this is the year of thesis-stress. i am having thesis anxiety dreams - which are usually variations on the 'arrived at school with inadequate underwear, realising you've forgotten to do an assignment, realising you're not at school any more but at uni, then realising you're not an undergrad so you don't do assignments, then suddenly realising you're doing a phd and you wake up.
i really feel the pinch. one year to go. i know i have about 6 months i can add to that, but i think i should save that for emergencies and think of this as being the last year.
it's a bit scary.
this is the last year of study i can do in this field at university. there's nothing left to do - i'll have done it all. time to get into the field and workworkwork.
though i guess i have been working already. for years. but it seems to mean something different when you actually move out of the pgrad zone.
various friends working as ackas have let me in on the whole deal: it's not so great, really. being a new-academic is kind of shitty, actually, in that they work your tits off. but heck, it's what i want to do. i really enjoy researching, i love teaching. and i love working with words and ideas. acadamia is for me. at least until i get bored.
one thing i do worry about, is that i mightn't have time to do all the other things i like to do. dance. crafty stuff. other hobby things. i'd be sad if all i did ever was work. i never want to be in a job that works me all the time. i'd rather live on less money and have more time for me and my family and friends.
